So....

The last time I was on here I didn't know what I wanted to do. I had people saying that I shouldn't finish college in the states and people saying I should stay here and go to ASU.

Well I figured it out: I am going to move down to Phoenix hopefully at the end of the year (hopefully sooner then that; I am bursting out of the seams here). I want to buy my house, write a couple of books (hence how I will buy my house), travel (I want to take my mom to a few places), get my Real Estate License, and hopefully take a dance and/or acting class.

Other then that it has just been dating things. I like this guy a lot, but I am terrified of being in a relationship. I don't know what do to, what to be in a relationship. I don't know the basics of...How long do you have to date before this or before that...I don't know how to be a good boyfriend. How to date or flirt. Fact is that I am still a virgin.

I am hesitant!

I talked with another guy and he says I should not be dating at all. "Your not ready for it."

Maybe I am. I don't know. I'd like to be "in a relationship," but read above. Every time I see two guys in a relationship, I sink. I mean why can't I fine someone in my life. Grrr......

This guy that helped me, said I was jealous of him being in a relationship and that he knows I have a crush on him. Which isn't true, I mean I care about so ya maybe its jealousy, but that could be the protectiveness inside of me. But what I don't get about him is that he wants to be my first and show me everything, but yet he would never cheat on his guy. So does he want me to wait for him? I don't know!

Anyways, I don't know about the dating thing, right now. I want it, but hesitant about it. Thursday night I woke yup in the middle of the morning after having one of the weirdest dreams:

I was naked at first. Walking along Sherwood Dr. (No one that I kew was living on the street.) Sitting where my house was a dark faux stone building with a car 2-car carport with a wood ceiling. All of the sudden I was dressed and met up with 3 other guys. It was like we were all going to have sex. But I still was a virgin and still never kissed a guy. One of the guys I knew, I’ve seen him before. He was single the other 2 were not. Then all of the sudden we were inside and I was standing next to my guy who was wearing a grey t-shirt. He had black hair and brown eyes. He was skinny, too. Then all of the sudden I leaned in for a kiss. My hands were moving up and down his shoulder blades (hence knowing he was skinny.) and hearing smooch, smooch. It was like I’ve met him, seen him naked, etc. But the kissed last a few seconds until someone walked in (we were in some living room). When I woke up from the dream I could still feel the tingle on my lips (like his sprit was right there).

The guy I have been talking to is not the guy in my dream..

Ugh...Help!

Ry!